"The only way to die in peace, is to empty the Drawers of Memory." said Peter Lucas, a Salvador Dali scholar (see his face a bit down this page).
But what about living in peace?
No matter how devoted or not to mental hygiene, we all have that darkwood junk drawer that we fear to open. Just like those cliche scenes in cartoons and perhaps a bad film or two, when someone shouts "Don't open the closet!!" a mere moment before an avalanche of ancient trash comes crashing down on the visitor's head. Piling it back up behind the door is the easiest and most common solution, with maybe a quick white lie along the lines of "I was gonna clear it out (insert time of choice) but you just came along a bit early".
Ha, yeah right.
Do you ever wonder why so many of us have skeletons in our closets or, less commonly said, dust-spiders in our drawers? A big pile of bones shouldn't be so hard to clear out, right? Bag it and bin it, then ride your vacuum.
Lately, though, I've been thinking that it's because of the path to the skeletons. It's no joke, slalom-skiing through all the junk till we get to those dried out corpses inside us.
And as with any waste container, the closer we get to the bottom, the more rotten, slimier, darker, smellier, more disgusting and more difficult it gets... At what check-point on the slope does the corroding stench bite through our ski-poles and cause us to crash down?
Truth be told, I haven't even managed to get halfway yet - on my own free assessment. How does one measure these things anyway?
Wise people have told me that release and forgiveness are the key here.
"Learn to cry, to forgive others and to forgive yourself" was the most concise advice I received on the subject.
"Forgive and forget", we've all heard the phrase.
Then of course, the ever-recommended: "Remember the bad stuff and learn from it, but don't hold onto it".
And the, apparently paradoxical, "learn, then forgive" idea.
Well I'm honestly confused.
Isn't remembering a way of holding on? Keeping things with us and within us?
So, if we're to learn from "bad stuff" of whatever kind, we have to remember it - ergo, hold onto it.
If we want to forgive and be happy, we have to let go.
If we let go, we forget everything we learned from it, which I suppose most of us immediately frown upon. If we forget, we automatically invite repetition.
But if we want to not repeat mistakes, negative occurrences, pain, embarrassment, whatever it may be, then we mustn't let ourselves forget.
And if we don't forget, we don't let go...
If we don't let go, can we achieve happiness?
What a joyride. Shall we go into another circle?
I wonder how many roundabouts we'll manage to make before crashing?
Is it possible to truly forgive without truly forgetting?